My African Tale seems not very African at all. My life has taken on a kind of blur of meaning and what I hoped and planned to do here hasn't worked out in the extreme.
I pass through days wondering what an earth to do with myself - have had a couple of surf lessons here in the mecca of Southern African surfing and have managed to stand up a few times. However it hasn't taken away my fear of breaking waves (although think I may be improving slightly on that phobia-front) and it isn't exactly my life's dream to become a surfer chick (although shan't complain if it happens).
I cook for scores of people and the novelty of people eating my food has definitely worn off (also never had a dream to be a chef either), I have my own room yet all other spaces are communal - I am really not in the mood for dumb-arse questions from guests most of the time. I thought one day I might want to open my own backpackers but am now not sure I could cope with being a parent, teacher, advisor, psychiatrist, housekeeper, cleaner, travel guru, booking agent, nurse and general dogsbody on a permanent basis, oh and what if I didn't like someone for no good reason apart from they rub me up the wrong way - could I ever possibly get away with chucking them out just 'cos they irritate the hell out of me (probably not)?
I live in a town of cultural void-ness, I hesitate to go out while in a "mixed race" relationship, I don't go out anyway 'cos am permanently skint and even if I wasn't permanently skint I would still hesitate to go out since the choices round here are not exactly huge when you don't speak Afrikaans.
No matter how long I spend here, I will always be the outsider - only realised this when my patriotism for England during the Rugby World Cup final against South Africa went absolutely sky high and I got in a strop when we lost. How childish of me.
How rubbish is all of that. Obviously my frame of mind is up for a bit of a grumble without really having reason to grumble at all. I blame the rugby; have been miserable ever since the weekend!
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